Take one study for example: It is well-known that financial hardship is a major stressor, and it is also associated with increased risk of dying. This study looked how two variables influenced this hardship-mortality relationship: 1) receiving social support from members of a spiritual community, and 2) giving social support to members of the community. Which do you think buffered the effects of hardship on mortality? Giving, not receiving social support.

Another study looked at the kind of social support that best predicted health outcomes. There are several ways of thinking about different kinds of support, but most researchers divide them into categories like tangible support (money, physical assistance, etc.), advisory (giving information),  emotional (listening and showing empathy), and something called “belonging” support – making someone feel like part of a community. Two separate recently published studies found that it is this belonging support that best predicts both mortality and health. One of those studies found that “opportunity for nurturance” was particularly important – that is, the opportunity to provide nurturance to another person.

All of this struck me as a profound confirmation of the healing power of interdependence, and of taking comfort in being interdependent.  These studies do not suggest that we benefit by piling up and hoarding support from others, be it tangible help, praise, advice, or a listening ear. We benefit by seeing ourselves as part of a community, a network that offers and needs support.

There are so many ways to recognize, and take comfort in, interdependence through yoga practice. Many of them start with simple awareness – because the interdependence exists, whether you recognize it or not. Then we learn to befriend our experience of the present moment, so that we can start to break through the self-obsessed self-criticism, self-improvement, or self-analyzing that keeps us from seeing and befriending others. Then we consciously cultivate states of compassion, joy at interdependence, and lovingkindness – through meditation and interactions with “privileged” communities (like your yoga class, or our discussion boards) that support these states and invite us to practice them. And then, ideally, we go out in the world and interact with our community in a way that strengthens the connection we feel, and turns it into a very real network of everyday interactions and support.

This week, I offer a meditation (see below) on the give and take in your everyday life. I also encourage you to look at opportunities to provide support as potentially renewing, rather than draining.  It is your own intention that makes it so – looking to the act of support as its own reward, rather than looking for approval or safety or love or favor.

One other thing this week – it is national teacher appreciation week in the United States, and now would be an excellent time to express gratitude to your favorite teacher. If you are a teacher, you can appreciate the gift your students give by showing up, and allowing you to have the experience of supporting them in their practice.

By the way, the lecture I am preparing is for the International Yoga Therapy conference outside of San Francisco, CA, this coming weekend. If any of you are in attendance, please introduce yourself! To me, and hopefully, to each other. Just introduce yourself to everyone – it’s the yoga of connection.

Take care,

Kelly

http://openmindbody.com/discuss/

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A Meditation on Support

This meditation is inspired by the traditional Buddhist practice of contemplating the many ways you have been a burden to others in your life. I find that focusing on the many ways others have supported you in life is an equally profound way to develop a sense of gratitude and connection. This sense of gratitude may inspire you to offer support to others.

After a practice of breath awareness, to center yourself, begin to reflect on a specific period of time. It could be today, this week, this year, or an earlier period in your life, including your childhood. Ask yourself, "How have I been supported (today, this week, this year....)?"

Wait for memories of specific events and specific people. When one comes up, sit with it for a few breaths, savoring the memory. Then let it go, and wait for another memory to come to mind. The memories may be of different levels of intimacy - the stranger who left a newspaper on the train for you to enjoy; the co-worker who emailed you information you needed; the yoga teacher who touched you in child's pose; the partner who listened to you describe your day. 

When you feel a sense of gratitude, shift your attention. Ask yourself, "How have I offered support today (or yesterday)?" Wait for memories of specific events and specific people. When one comes up, sit with it for a few breaths, savoring the memory. Then let it go, and wait for another memory to come to mind.

How does the balance feel, between receiving support and offering support? If you find that one overwhelms the other, finish the meditation by asking, "How can I be open to support today?" or "How can I offer support today?". More important than coming up with a specific action plan is cultivating the intention to receive or offer support.