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Week 26: The Half-Way Point

So, I had these grand ideas for the arc of this email class over the next two months, and as it turned out this week, a couple of things popped up to interrupt the grand plan - simply because I want to share them with you instead. The first is a study published this week really surprised and saddened me. The news report about the study starts:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Americans are more socially isolated than they were 20 years ago, separated by work, commuting and the single life, researchers reported on Friday. Nearly a quarter of people surveyed said they had "zero" close friends with whom to discuss personal matters. More than 50 percent named two or fewer confidants, most often immediate family members, the researchers said.

"This is a big social change, and it indicates something that's not good for our society," said Duke University Professor Lynn Smith-Lovin, lead author on the study to be published in the American Sociological Review."

***

(For the rest of the article try following this link to Reuters Health News, although I don't know how long it will be up.)

25% of Americans have no one to "discuss personal matters with."  If you can identify with that statement, you're not alone. This study's definition of a close friend (as someone to discuss personal matters with) stood out to me, because there is a very large body of research* showing that the primary way people build close friendships is self-disclosure over time. That is, the way you get a close friend is by doing what we define as close friendship. You develop closeness by discussing personal matters. Not in one massive episode of TMI (too much information), but in small doses that develop into trust  - a sense of knowing another, and the sense of being known. 

I brought this up at the beginning of the year, with an invitation to tell the truth about your experience and yourself, and to consider what holds you back from sharing certain things or talking about difficult issues and emotions. One of the purposes of our discussion board is to practice self-disclosing in a supportive environment (whether or not it triggers follow-up conversation). The flip side of the coin is learning how to hear (or read) others' experiences without being critical of them. 

Since we are at the half-way point in this class, it's seems like a good time to reflect on whether your participation in this class has had any influence on your willingness to be open with others, and your ability to hear others share their thoughts and feelings without judging them. If that is the only thing you get from this class, it would be huge. 

This week, practice skillful self-disclosure and compassionate listening. And to get your voice open, supported by your own strength, consider adding chanting or laughter to your yoga practice. Neither practice has to be complicated - OM like you mean it; rich and resonant and unafraid. Or start deep belly laughing (no external stimulation required), and if genuine laughter errupts, all the better. (Perhaps a laugh track would help?)

*Random trivia: I actually wrote my dissertation on this topic - how disclosure of both positive and negative emotions and experiences helps us build socially supportive networks over time, and how that social support contributes to well-being.

Discuss online at:

http://openmindbody.com/discuss/