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OPEN MIND OPEN BODY The Yoga of Connection |
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Week 3: Revealing the Self One of the greatest causes of feeling disconnected to others is the belief that we need to hide some part of our personality. This belief is based on the fear that if we are "revealed", we will be rejected. What we don't realize is that the act of revealing ourselves, and our true nature, is what creates strong bonds between "ourselves" and "others". It is ironic but not surprising that what we commonly try to stuff inside or hide are the very things that we tend to share - the things that make us human. Our anger (or anxiety or depression), our desires, our ambitions, our vulnerabilities, our imperfections, our bad habits, and our background - including experiences or "mistakes" that have made us who we are. We think it is safer to project an image to others. We think that others need this image to like us, approve of us, or respect us. The image ends up being a barrier to connection. People do not always see what is behind the barrier (although they often do). But they can see and feel the barrier - and that is enough. One of the greatest paths to connection is to let yourself be fully seen and known. Revealing ourselves does not shield us from the judgments of others. But it is important to realize that people who judge you for revealing yourself were judging you already. There is no true safety is staying hidden. All it does is layer on the punishment of self-judgment and isolation. Not everyone in the world needs to know every aspect of yourself. But there is no aspect of yourself that should be hidden from everyone in your life. There is no aspect of yourself that is "unacceptable". There is no aspect of yourself that cannot create a connection to others with shared experiences, shared challenges, and shared goals. The Practice This week, I invite you to practice svadhyaya (self-reflection) - one of the ten principles of yoga ethics, as described in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. A good time to practice self-reflection is after a meditation or asana practice. It is important to create a sense of physical openness and mental clarity - otherwise, self-reflection can be a way to reinforce old beliefs about ourselves rather than generating new insight. I'd like to suggest that you do any practice that makes you feel relaxed and "clear". It could be as simple as noticing your breath in a relaxed or seated position for a few minutes. It could be any sequence of postures, self-guided or with guidance (from a CD, DVD, book, etc.). If you have trouble starting a home practice but attend yoga classes, you can even do the following reflection in a group yoga class, in savasana or a final seated meditation. The Reflection Ask yourself: What part of yourself do you keep compartmentalized? What side of yourself do you think you need to hide - from friends, co-workers, family, your children, your neighbors, or anyone? Self-reflection should not be an intensely intellectual process. Don't over-analyze yourself. Simply create the conditions for insight (through a yoga practice) and then sit with the question. Other ways to ask this question might be, "What one thing would I not tell anyone about myself?" or "What image do I try I try to present to others - how do I want them to perceive me?" Participate If you want to let yourself be more fully known, consider revealing this side of yourself on our discussion board. You can take a baby step first - just naming this part of yourself ("my emotions" or "my habit of _______"), with or without any explanation or long story. Simply owning it, and sharing it. If you see something in another person's post that you recognize as part of yourself, let that person know - a simple, "me, too". An important part of this practice is realizing how much more connected your feel to a person when they reveal something human about themselves. When you see this, it becomes easier to let down your own barrier.
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