The Yoga of Connection with Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D.

OPEN MIND OPEN BODY

The Yoga of Connection

Week 48: Responses to Homework

This week, some responses to the homework question from week 46. It is interesting to notice a theme in these responses from different members of this community: being in the presence of others, but communicating through some connection that goes beyond language/talking. With this theme in mind, I encourage you to revisit some of the previous week's ideas and practices: silent partner yoga (week 7), and the "enjoy the silence" thread (weeks 37-39).

Response #1:

1) What does it mean for you to feel "connected"?
Internal presence, showing up (which I feel physically most strongly as a warm sensation deep inside and down that radiates out)

2) When was the last time you felt this--what was the context, what was your attitude, who was with you, what were you doing, and where was you attention? In other words, what conditions created this experience?
Three today: 1. Early morning as I held my daughter as she ate, feeling her body against mine. 2. Also, this morning on rounds at the hospital when I talked to my patient (who is actively dying) and became attuned too what he was saying as well as something deeper being communicated without words. 3. The smell of the air, the sunlight and blue sky filtered, and sound of leaves rustling. All these make me feel connected.

3) What do you think is the greatest obstacle to your experiencing this state of connection?

Haste is a big one for me. Also, a quality of lacking thankfulness/feeling put upon has been a barrier, though I'm learning to play and work with the flexibility I'm finding in that feeling.

Response # 2:

So connection for me is when I am able to immerse myself completely in the moment tapping into and feeling apart of something larger than myself. A moment of connection that stands out most recently was Halloween. I was coming down with the flu - exhausted, shivery, I lay in bed not knowing how I was going to take my three-year-old son out trick or treating. Knowing there was no other option, I got us ready and we headed out. It was a beautiful evening and together we walked through the neighborhood. I was so amazed by the effort and creativity that people had put into making it an exciting event, and more importantly, I was overwhelmed by peoples' kindness. There was a real sense of community not always apparent where I live (downtown Vancouver) and it was so wonderful to watch my son doing his thing for the first time and his joy as he experienced this event for the first time.

As I watched from afar - I was so thankful for this moment - for the gift and I remember thinking that at that precise moment I did not want to be anywhere else, with anyone else - the perfection of the moment was tangible and from that arose gratitude.

I "struggled" for many years as an actress - little did I know at the time that it was the fuel for my spiritual quest - so it is clear for me when I don't feel connected. It is felt most strongly when I am in a state of resistance – of wanting the moment to be other than what it is - of feeling huge dissatisfaction because I am not receiving what I feel that I want - and from that projecting with fear into the future. This extends into the practice - for years yoga was about what it gave me - there was a neediness, a hunger. In exploring what you were describing in emptying the practice there is much more opportunity to give – to allow it to become devotional and in doing so truly quieting the mind rather than feeding it. This is something that I really want to explore much more.

Response #3:

The times of feeling most connected are when I can get out of the way of myself. When being "disconnected" is the norm, feeling connected feels weird.

In my Yoga, I, at least, have a sense of when that is happening. Sometimes it’s just finding my own heartbeat again. That helps to bring me back and hold on to something that feels so strange. I give thanks for my Yoga teacher, Carrie and all the people in my class who give their connection so freely to me.

I also just got a new puppy, so if you really want to feel connection, it’s at 2:00 am when you just want her to "Go girl" and when she does, you are sooooo connected.

Response #4:
1) What does it mean for you to feel "connected"?
I feel most connected when spoken communication is NOT the primary mode of interaction. That is, it may be part of the process, but then something else permeates the air - it could be energy, emotions - it's a powerful connection that truly transcends words.

2) When was the last time you felt this--what was the context, what was your attitude, who was with you, what were you doing, and where was your attention? In other words, what conditions created this experience?

I am experiencing an unprecedented connection with my private clients. This is almost eerie, although I believe in these energetic transmissions, so it doesn't scare me at all. But my clients are often reading my mind! When we work together and I assist verbally or sometimes with gentle touch corrections, they are 'on it' before the words come out of my mouth. Together, we are also intuiting what comes next in sessions. In other words, someone might need something other than what I might have planned or been thinking about doing and we both come to a conclusion in the moment about what is next and proceed from there. This is happening consistently with at least 3 private clients that I see once or twice a week. It's very cool.

I also happen to be taking a bereavement course at a nationally recognized HOSPICE in the Bronx called Calvary. Basically, I want to help people in their process of grieving by using active yoga, breath work, and restorative yoga, and since starting the course, I have crossed paths with people every week who have experienced loss specifically relating to the class just completed. For example, I have a prospective client for a seminar in December who just wrote and apologized for her latenesss in responding to me, and shared that her sister had just died. Only the night before, I had completed the course in loss of a sibling. I was better equipped to understand and be present for her in our conversation. This has happened a few times during the course. All of these experiences make me feel deeply and profoundly connected to a higher intelligence.

3) What do you think is the greatest obstacle to your experiencing this state of connection?
No question...the obstacle is fear and/or leaking of energy in a way that unbalances me. Anything can rock the boat. I'm very human and life presents lots of challenges. But I know it's my choice about how I choose to 'rebalance' and deal with things that rights me quickly, or lets me bobb around sputtering until I wake up!

*****

I hope you will email me your thoughts so that I can send out a compilation. Don't worry about writing "good" responses. In my experience it's the writers who think they have nothing insightful to say who say the most.

Take care,

Kelly

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