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OPEN MIND OPEN BODY Teaching Reflections |
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The
Shadow Student One
of my favorite authors, Natalie
Goldberg, tells a story about her Zen teacher, Katagiri
Roshi. When Katagiri Roshi first arrived in San Francisco to
teach Zen, he was appalled by the hippies who showed up to learn. They
were unkempt, undisciplined, and utterly foreign to him. Natalie describes
Katagiri's despair when he recognized that he spent all day teaching his
students the importance of universal compassion, but could not feel
compassion for these strange students of his. He overcame this paradox by
working with his own experience, not by trying to change his students. He
became a beloved teacher in the American Zen community. Most
yoga teachers I know love this story because it reminds us that all
teachers are human, and allows us to recognize our own mixed relationships
with students. My own Zen teacher helped me recognize that the students we
find "unacceptable" or annoying are simply mirroring some
aspects of ourselves, or our own practice, that we have not yet come to
terms with. It may a part of ourselves that we find distasteful, or it may
a part of ourselves that we have not given ourselves permission to enjoy
and express. It may be a part of ourselves that we are in denial of,
because we don't want to accept it. But if we find ourselves driven crazy
by a student's behavior, it is a sure sign that we are looking into
mirror and reacting against what we see. I
call students who push our buttons "shadow students" because
they reflect the shadow side of our personality or practice. Certain
students can drive us crazy - not because there is anything wrong with them,
but because we haven't yet extended our definition of compassion to
include all aspects of ourselves. Whatever the behavior, or
attitude, that drives us crazy, we would do well to own it ourselves and
make peace with it. If we feel challenged by a student, it is an
opportunity to reflect on why we feel threatened by a student's presence.
If we feel irritated by a student, it is an opportunity to reflect on our
beliefs about how an ideal yoga class should be. If we find ourselves
judging a students, it is an opportunity to reflect on why we need to
evaluate and criticize not just our students, but also ourselves. It
does no good to hope that certain students won't return to class.
It is a mistake to try to cultivate a class of students who perfectly
mirror only the best parts of you and your own practice. It is a mistake
to discourage students who don't perfectly fit your idea of the ideal
student. Instead, let your shadow students be your star students - they
can teach you as much as you can teach them. Cultivate compassion towards
all students as a way of cultivating total compassion for yourself. Return to Teaching Reflections
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