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OPEN MIND OPEN BODY Yoga Humor |
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Press
Release The
Bureau of Yoga Advancement is pleased to introduce three new asanas,
recently approved by the regulating board of asana inflation and
accommodation. These asanas are sure to enhance your current practice and
guaranteed to lead to enlightenment if practiced exactly as directed.*
Adjustasana Recent
changes in appropriate yoga attire have increased the necessity for
adjustments to straps and elastic around the shoulder, waist, and other
sensitive places. In addition, ponytails provide a special burden to the
inversion-practicing yogi, and adjustments may be necessary before going
upside down. The Bureau of Yoga Advancement has approved the recognition
of these adjustments as asanas unto themselves – so long as they are
practiced mindfully. The serious yoga practitioner should take careful
notice of each urge to adjust, and proceed with heightened awareness to
the movement. Full, deep breathing is required. If a yoga teacher should
notice students adjusting endlessly and mindlessly, the Bureau of Yoga
Advancement has approved the judicious action of putting them in caturanga
dandasana until their arms feel like they are going to fall off. For their
own enlightenment, of course. Gulpasana We
at the Bureau of Yoga Advancement recognize the occasional need for
hydration during your practice, particularly when your yoga teacher heats
the room to 104 degrees Fahrenheit. Therefore, we have approved the
addition of gulpasana (which may be technically considered more of a
vinyasa but still falls under our jurisdiction). To perform gulpasana,
simply notice your thirst, become aware of the nearest source of water,
and drink mindfully, in large, pleasant gulps. Gulpasana is not to be
confused with eatasana or napasana, both of which provide a similar relief
to the demands of the body, but neither of which are recommended during a
yoga practice. In addition, the performance of gulpasana should be in
response to the true needs of the body, and not as an excuse to come out
of Virabhadrasana early. Comparisonasana We
have received numerous reports about yogis incurring neck injuries during
their practice, due to their habit of straining to see what other yogis
are doing in a pose. We do not advise or endorse the practice of comparing
oneself to others while one is
in a yoga pose. To prevent unnecessary neck strain, and to give full
attention to the ego-boosting or ego-deflating comments running through
your mind, we recommend coming out of the pose you are performing and
immediately assuming comparisonasana, which is basically whatever position
gives you the best view of the entire classroom (or just the super bendy
person in the back row). Please be aware the frequent performance of
comparisonasana will not make you many friends in your yoga class, and can
severely disrupt your own practice. Therefore, it is recommended that you
practice this pose as infrequently as possible, but with full awareness
when you feel the need to compare. Please notice the effect that making
these comparisons has on your state of mind, and adjust the frequency of
comparisonasana accordingly. Hopefully
these additions to your yoga practice will help you stay mindful
throughout your practice. *Warning:
partial enlightenment (including delusions about the ability to place both
legs behind the head while chanting OM) may occur if these asanas are not
practiced as directed. Return to Ideas for Your Yoga Practice
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